Adventures of a Passionista

Dedicated to Flora R, Kay C, Karen G, Becky R,

...Judy M., Donna S., Janice R., Janice V., Paulette Y. ,  Kenita K. and countless other SLAYERS whom I adore.

I found this poem and thought of you!!!  With love and admiration...

 

"CANCER SLAYER"         

by Sabrina Esposito, Vero Beach, Florida

Passages to strength
Come in many forms and lengths,
Survival of the fittest,
The biggest
Lessons learned
Appear only when earned,
When fate turns
Its back on you,
Misconstrued,
Subdued
With questions of how and why,
Will I die?
How many tears am I able to cry?
The inquiries never seem to subside,
Outside,
I am a warrior-Braveheart if you will,
Yet within the walls of my ivory skin lies a disease that will kill
At will
With no prejudice or bias,
Ready to guide us
To our Maker of life

Where there lies no strife,
Maybe finally a day of peace
The heartaches will cease,
But my soul tells me to get up and fight
It is not my time to go towards the light,
The flight
That is destined for me
Is to be
The leader of every community
To help them see
It is not about you or I – it is about we,
I will not be added to the list of the deceased

Time of death 12:43,
Any demon can be defeated
As long as in the Lord’s hands you are seated,

(sigh)

I AM HERE
And yet you have been gone for slightly over 2 years,
And it’s amazing how my smiles take the place of those tears,
I now hope…instead of fear
And I pray that my message to all is crystal clear,
I stared Cancer right in the face
Not with anger but with womanly grace
And told it to get the hell out of this place!!!!

 

Copyright Sabrina Esposito

"Walking ain't gonna cure breast cancer"

NWIN Law Enforcement Cops for a Cure  will be heading to Chicago August 5 - 7  to walk - on purpose - 60 miles in 3 days.  All for an amazing cause...

                            The following is a re-write of an article written in August of 2007 ..

Having just completed walking 60 +/-miles in 3 Days,with hundreds of emotional moments and sound bites replaying in my mind, the one that resounds loudest was sitting on the concrete steps, adjacent to the Michigan Ave sidewalk, East of Randolph, at Millennium Park (Chicago) - less than 2 miles from FINISH LINE!!

Walking past him, at approximately #1200 out of #2400 walkers, "he" sat there shaking his head "no" (side to side) repeating this chant: "Walking ain't gonna cure breast cancer!"

Over and over...

"Walkin' ain't gonna cure breast cancer."

He continued shaking head no, no, no - looking at anyone who would look at him, square in the eye...

"Walking ain't gonna cure breast cancer."   Over and over he shook his head and repeated his chant...

Not being able to stand it any longer, and in my most intelligent of replies I retorted "well walking is doing a lot more than you are just sitting there, buddy."

Did I REALLY just say that?

Yep, now THAT was an intelligent, educational, kind and enlightening reply.

Wow.

The day before, Day 2, thousands were walking -a mammoth SEA of Pink:  BOOBs on sun visors, BOOBS of various NAMES written all over shirts: "Titty-titty Bang Bang", "Boob-i-licious", "Happy Hooters", "Boob Supporters", "Itty-BItty-Titty-Committee", etc.

There were PINK ribbons, PINK hats, PINK boas, male cops and firefighters in PINK shirts directing traffic and cheering the walkers on.  It was a virtual PINK FEST and a lady approaches the gal I was striding with at the time and asks: "what is all this pink for? what's the walk for??

Stopping her stride, and looking at her with daggers, my friend replied: "are you kidding me? (pregnant pause) for real? (another pregnant pause) It's for BREAST CANCER! BREAST CANCER!"

Curious lady vanished into a local storefront - most likely licking her wounds... ouch...

There's something about being a cancer survivor (like my bristling friend) or co-survivor or Breast Friend Forever of a breast cancer survivor- that makes one sensitive or passionate (both, actually) about this disease. Hmm, could be simply the "life and death!" factor...or the possibility that our children could grow up motherless that surely makes us a tad sensitive...

And we who are possessed with the spirit of advocacy, of awareness of the need to fight in a compassionate army - and battle in a war for healthy bodies - we PRESUME people "get" us.

get "pink"

get "it"

But the realities are this:
1) Pink is a color
2) Pink will not cure breast cancer
    --wearing pink on our head, pink bra over our clothes, pink ribbons pinned all over our bodies     while walking and passing out breast health information and sharing the importance of early     detection - does NOT cure breast cancer NOR does it mean just because it matters to me that     it matters to the rest of the world...

Which brings us to walking...
    "walking" in and of itself truly WILL NOT cure breast cancer. As much as it troubled me what     the smart-butt guy said - "walking ain't gonna cure breast cancer" - he was right... it will make         us feel stronger, create a healthier body ... but it won't CURE...

BUT: walking in the midst of a compassionate army - makes the army feel stronger, and less         alone in the battle

BUT: walking through sleepy or vibrant communities generates curiosity and curiosity often         breeds awareness and awareness results in more people understanding that EARLY         DETECTION SAVES LIVES, which also raises awareness of the need for regularly         performing BSE 's (Breast Self-Exams) , which create people who want to DO something         because either THEY have breast cancer, or someone they adore does - which converts a         previously- complacent-lalalala lady walking into the neighborhood drug store into someone         who wants to DO SOMETHING, to MAKE A DIFFERENCE in the world, which turns them into         active warriors to fight in this army, raise vital funds for investment in research that we         believe will one day SOON - not only find THE CURE, but will find the CAUSE of cancer -         breast cancer - all cancers.

Until no one has to ask what all the pink people are walking for...

Until no one has to say "walkin' ain't gonna cure breast cancer"... for the only reason that BREAST CANCER WILL NO LONGER EXIST IN THE PRESENT BUT WILL ONLY BE FOUND IN A HISTORY BOOK - until THAT TIME...

...we walk

... in pink.

(can't wait to get rid of all the stinking pink in my closet... can't wait until pink is just a COLOR)

On Fighting

A little over a year ago my life took a turn - it took many turns, actually, but one, in particular helped change the course of my future...

I discovered  a girl. 

She had just received the horrid diagnosis of breast cancer. A fighter by nature, this girl dug in, face forward, and met each challenge with a MISSION to communicate to the world during one of the most difficult legs during her (then) 39 year old journey... this FIGHT was met with courage, determination, honesty, authenticity and transparency of such magnitude that it rallied a Region, and lifted up a community.   Transparency during the ups and downs  - that is usually reserved for only the "closest of family"  - this girl - opened her heart, her life and her battle up to the world...

...and the world followed her journey, loving her from afar and she loved them back.

Her parents both, died early of cancer... her mom was 39 when she lost her battle to cancer.

Officer Flora Ryan  #139 :

diagnosed at  

39,

OVERCAME cancer,

and today - June 22, 2011 

is   

40.

Forty.

 

When asked by someone clueless to the significance of this birthday: "how do you feel about being FORTY?!!" (as if it were OLD, or something!)  Flora replied: "I can't WAIT! I want to be 50 and 60 and 70 and 80!!!!"

Puts it all in perspective.

I love this girl, this Flora Ryan. And how I respect her!  Having watched her good days, rough days, and great days and all the changes in between this past year, I've seen in her a true Hero.  a SHE-RO.  She has taught me (her Elder , haha!) what FIGHT "looks like"... overcoming chemo, and radiation and all the side effects, while mothering children, and loving on her wonderful, newly-wedded husband and giving time and space to the world around her... then diving right back into work  (her calling - her mission) - defending, protecting and serving our community with passion and drive... a bald-headed beauty now sporting 3 inch wavy hair - she plowed into life with a zeal and zest that shouted to the world "I am here! I am in! I am going to Fight Like a Girl and I am going to win!"

Today, at the ripe young age of 40, she did WIN! ... she is... and she will continue to shine the way and connect with those who, themselves, have a battle before them.

"Happy Birthday, dear Flora.  You have shaken my, our world... and have enriched our lives... We had no clue how we, ourselves would be changed and inspired by you... thank you!   Here's to 40 more  as daily you continue to Fight Like A Girl! "

 

 

Copyright 2011 J. Allen G.

"Walk on..."

"So much work to do. So many more lives to touch. Onward and upward. Continue to look up - no limits."

I received this encouragement this morning as result of fears being dissolved with the shocking revelation:  I am very healthy.  Prepped for biopsy and no need for one.  Tests were good. Great. No cancer. No anything.  What caused doc such immediate concern tested "normal" when testings were done.

How is it possible to have mixed feelings about such amazingly, wonderful news?

But mixed feelings I do have.

I am supremely grateful that I am healthy.

And I am incredibly sad that others, more trusting, more faithful  and no less "deserving" of "good news", however ... yesterday others DID receive BAD news... and I am grieved that some, yesterday  DID lose their own battle with a diseased body.

For that my heart - though rejoicing - also grieves...

And yet - I am shocked - amazed at such goodness that my life has been surrounded by.  Normally one to bear down, stay well-hidden in the process of quietly overcoming such personal issues , this time, by opening up, I found an abundance of hope and faith and support that I truly was blown away by. So grateful for such love. So amazed by such outpouring of humanity, each one representative of their own "lives' issues" and yet each one so supportive.  Wow.

So, now with issues explained and the subsequent clearing out of doubts and fears - my mind moves forward and outward...

There are so many people to support, to encourage, and to salt lotsa love into...

 

And so, as my dear friend encouraged me :      

"So much work to do. So many more lives to touch. Onward and upward.

Continue to look up - no limits." 

I take this challenge, seeking God's leading as we g0,  head on out...   and walk on!

 

(8 weeks to 60 miles in 3 Day!  Chicago - here we come!)

 

 

Copyright 2011 J. Allen G.

 

 

Keeping the flame... in the breast cancer fight...

When Abby-Jill moved out of her "earth suit" into her HEAVENLY one and is now TRULY "dancing with the stars" , she left behind a world that was made far better by her contributions to it.

I, for one, who has been proud (first mistake...)of being a "passionate person" in this beautiful "life dance", soon realized that my "passion" paled, by comparison to Abby-Jill's.

My team mate, Scott C., was fund raising and walking in her honor.   I met her in person, during the August 2007 Breast Cancer 3Day.   That day my life was permanently and INSTANTLY marked by her flame which burned deeply into my heart and mind. Passion? I had truly found what "passion" looked like... and it surely didn't look like me.

Debbie (Abby-Jill's sister) TIARA-wearing Abby-Jill (of course!) and their momma - day 3 - 2 miles from finish line!

How can someone who ,1.5 weeks prior, had fluid drained from her lungs, and who - just 5 days earlier had had chemotherapy - walk, laugh, walk, hug, embrace, laugh,  love, walk, giggle, jiggle, dance, dance, dance to the music that was in HER head.

So here's the thing: since having been "torched" (yes "torched" , "sparked by flame") by Abby-Jill, I've, unwittingly, become a Breast Cancer fighter-no-that's-not-a-strong-enough-word...WARRIOR.

Now look: what I didn't see were the tears. the hair loss.  the swelling. the pain, the agony, the horror that this disease caused as it created havoc in her body and consumed her.  Her loved ones did.

I grieve for her loved ones. I cannot begin to imagine - to feel their enormous loss...

But I can feel for them, and I can create a stir to cause awareness and, hopefully, generate just a little bit of concern and compassion from an ambivalent world...

And so,  I wear pink.  It's not because I like pink- pink - is a girly, good-girl, prissy-stinking color. .  More tom-boy than prissy, I'm more fond of chocolate and green and all things "earthy" - ...

Sadly, pink, in our current CULTURE often represents MARKETING MANIA at the expense of the pain, the sorrow, the struggle, the fight for life - that breast cancer causes.

Breast cancer is a killer.

Abby-Jill died at 43.

We were robbed.

Aunt Mildred Kirby (nee McCallister) died at 48.

We were robbed.

Breast cancer is a thief: stealing health and finances and time with loved ones.

There is nothing "pink" about it.

Pink won't bring 'em back.

May we not lose sight of what the battle really is.
May we continue to educate ourselves and refuse to "play in Pink".
Rather, may we use this nasty color to cause a stir, and in doing so, enrage a world that so complacently accepts wigs and drawn-on eyebrows as a way of making a cancer-ridden-patient "feel better"...

May we ask the questions... the difficult questions:

Early detection saves lives?
Early detection of something that is rampant - WHY IS IT RAMPANT?  WHY?
What factors cause cancer to begin with?
What chemicals in our environment, food, water contribute?

Find the contributing factors, then we don't need to "detect" anything...

Sigh.

And as nauseating and distasteful as it is, if wearing stinking PINK will create a stir that causes someone to ask me what's up  - I am willing to wear stinking PINK...

And so I walk - and always, always walking in memory of those who have lost their fight with this ugly disease , in honor of those who battle and in support of those whose lives are personally affected by it.

The flame of life that Abby-Jill had, that was extinguished in her death caused by breast cancer - carries on in those of us who refuse to sit by and allow breast cancer to take all of our loved ones...

without a fight.

 

Copyright 2011 J. Allen G.

 

Boobs(the 3-Day) Dogs, Alzheimers or Stop the Spinning I'm gonna Puke!

The days of running onto the playground, jumping on the red-rusty-in-spots-out-of-balance merry-go-round and running, running, running and then JUMPing on holding on for dear life while the world spins around you - over and over, running & hopping on... and if you're fortunate, another kid shows up & you take turns riding while the other runs and jumps on... or you BOTH run and BOTH jump and can barely catch your breath & you strain/sprain your shoulder because it's spinning faster than you can run and yet you grab on hoping to jump this one.   last.   time.   and it jerks you and you laugh and survive and do it all over again another time, and another day and WEEEEEEEE!!!   

Dang, makes me tired.  I need a breather...

No matter how much it appears the world is spinning...
whether slowly or fast...
it's not that the world's spinning...
it's the "merry-go-round" - it's the wheel is spinning -

it's ME  - I'm what's spinning.

And I've been ready to . . .
throw up. (a time or two)

Puke, as my 17 year old likes to call it.

Puke.

Spewing things like:
1) HELP!  My old people forget life and I'm trying to help them keep their heads afloat.
or
2) HELP!  My baby son is now a SENIOR and he is going to be "gone" "TOMORROW" and I'm so busy I'm missing much of it!
or
3) HELP! The Chicago Breast Cancer 3-Day  (Aug 7- 9)  is in 21, no 20, no 19 days and I've trained only 1/10th of what I should because of this WHEEL...
or
4) HELP!  The Chicago Breast Breast Cancer 3-Day is in 21, no 20, no 19 days and I'm still short of my fund raising goal...
or
5)  HELP! My house is falling apart around me and I'm too exhausted to do much to prevent it, and I'm too strapped for cash to hire it done and, and, and...
or
6)  HELP! My family is in a state of TRANSITION, and REBUILDING and REGROUPING and are growing through painful days and or nights and I'm caught in an emotional tug-o-war
or
7) Help.

Although I"m not really in a state of panic.
And I'm not really in a flurry today.
I'm also not rising above the circumstances like I would like to be...  you know SOARING above...

... more like ... trudging through.

Like when you dream that you're being chased by somebody you can't see, don't know who they are, but you know you're being chased and you run, and it feels like your legs won't budge off the ground & when they do you swear they're ELEPHANT's legs walking in MUD or QUICKSAND that barely lift high enough to step forward...

...yeah, kinda like that.

.

.

... and the dogs bark and snap be back to reality.  responsibility, really. 

They can't let themselves out.  They have needs that must be met and I'm just the girl, the master to meet those needs.

And my parents have 6 acres that need mowing and taxes to finish.

And my auntie has Rx to pick up and groceries to purchase.

And my house needs a quicky tidy-up so as not to gag me when I return.

And I am just the girl to do it.

And I'm trusting the FUNDS will come for the 3-Day.
And I'm limited to train, so I will focus on a healthy body.(that is, after all, what freedom from breast cancer  - or all cancers- is, isn't it?)

And the MERRY-go-round is appropriately called just that...MERRY...

...because, regardless the circumstances I spin in
... I am convinced...
...and I am determined...
...to TRUST in the One who sees me spinning...
...who is WITH ME in the midst of the spinning...
...and who is providing me the Peace (supernatural), and Comfort, and JOY right in the midst of the MUD...
...and I KNOW, TOGETHER we will...
...make
...it
...one
...more
...day
...and
...one
...more
...day

Because, simply, HE is sufficient.

Psalm 13: 1 -6
(particularly 5,6 

 ⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
       my heart rejoices in your salvation.

 ⁶ I will sing to the LORD,
       for he has been good to me.)

"I TRUST"

A WILLFUL choosing.  A WILLFUL commitment to CHOOSE something bigger than the circumstances.

I trust.

I trust.

I trust.

We have an ONLINE MALL :)

Considering the state of the economy, I've been straining my brain trying to think of interesting, fun, creative ways to raise funds for the Breast Cancer 3Day.

I've found one EXCITING way - it is through our e-MALL!!   

From Overstock.com to PetMeds to Best Buy to hundreds of other EStores, by clicking through our EMALL page, your online purchases will result in a PERCENTAGE (you can check the sites for the amount - from 2% - 10%) of that total purchase being donated to the Warriors in Pink account for he Breast Cancer 3Day, for the benefit of Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

Awesome. 

The past year, over 80% of my purchases for school clothes, fund raising items was spent through stores that THIS year will also provide a kick-back for those same purchases!  (wish I had known about this LAST YEAR!)

The opportunities are numerous - how AWESOME!  Stores like: American Eagle, Aeropostale, Apple iTunes, Borders, Chicos, Cingular Wireless (nowAT&T), Clinique, Dicks Sporting Goods, Entertainment Book and on, and on!

Please consider checking out our Warriors in Pink - Rachel's Hope eMall today!

Thanks for joining us to make a difference.

WEEEEEEEE! Better 'n a Roller Coaster!!!

One of my new fav Blogs to read is Crystal,  of PINK HAIRED GIRL . Her blog today was the one entitled "A Different Kind of MIssion Trip"  which got me thinking of my own experiences with my FAITH and my commitment to the 09 Chicago Breast Cancer 3Day .

Below is the reply I gave to Crystal - copied & pasted in true "on vacation" manner! :

...as a 3Dayer heading to 3 years, I can tell you from experience, that calling this “a different kind of missions trip” is EXACTLY what you will experience. Diverse cultures, diverse life experiences, impacting individuals by living examples, by encouragement and providing vital information that can save lives. We (Warriors in Pink - Rachel’s Hope) use the fundraising need as our motivation for community activism, breast cancer education and awareness - then the funds come! Last year, during a fundraising at WallyWorld, a gal that had seen our posters came up to us, introduced herself and said she was on her way to get her hair cut off - before it fell out. Turns out she had been diagnosed with Sarcoma and less than 1percent survival rate - cutting off her hair was her being able to CONTROL something in her life - we were there cheering her on, when she returned, and celebrated by spray painting her remaining “mohawk” PINK! The team provide meals for her family during, after horrible chemo - we invited her to be our “guest of honor” during a 4th of July Parade where we wore PINK and Red,White & Blue and marched for “FREEDOM from BREAST CANCER” in the parade. She still struggles but is not alone. We’ve grown, we’ve seen His had guide us and use us in remarkable ways… Then the 3Day event itself - that is where we felt “the world as it SHOULD be”… thousands of people - drawn together by LOVE for LOVE - wow… speechless and forever drawing us back for MORE.

We also learned, even in training, - every step we took, was an opportunity to make a difference: together in the lives of the team, and in the community. There were many, many training days we PINKED it out, carried Komen breast fact flyers (all printable online) and trained 10 - 15- 18 miles - walking to neighboring communities and back and talking with all wonderful kinds of people along the way. We’ve met a 16 year old who thought she had breast cancer - actually had “questionable cells” - and we loved/hugged encouraged her - offering support and prayers.

Wow. The stories are endless - and are exactly why we are drawn, compelled to work in this “mission field”. This is my call - and I’m so fulfilled having answered it!"

Nothing Earth shattering in my reply, just real - real commitment, real emotion, real life-changing-events representing COUNTLESS stories of COUNTLESS people who have become forever imprinted into my memory-banks and my heart...

Good intentions led me to strive to RAISE FUNDS the 1st year... focus on raising those precious dollars.  Okay so my heart / my motives were pure - but I missed out on so much = COMMUNITY!  I missed out on SERVING, and becoming involved with others lives and becoming so enriched!

This past year - year 2 - I dedicated myself to SERVING the community - and in doing so - DUH - the FUNDS CAME without the struggle! Sure, there were some challenging moments of "HELP!" along the way - but it was so awesome to see God's handiwork - our willingness to be and do and go where He sent + His miracle-working-love-grace-mercy-today =  $$'s miracles and LIVES CHANGED - mine mostly! :)

So this year my motto:  “Serve the people - the $$ will come”  is , again, exactly what I seek to do. I am so excited about where He'll lead me this year...whom He'll bring me in contact with and how He'll direct my path... woo hoo!  This is a great ride!  Unlike roller coasters - this one is FAR LONGER LASTING! And, in serving, I KNOW I am part of something that is making a difference - money spent for research for a Cure for Cancer... and lives encouraged in some way by connecting with each other... ah... that is FUN and ETERNAL...

Kinda sad that it took a year, but He was patient, until I “got it”! haha!

Ah… grace.

Best!

Breast Cancer 3-Days - Changing the World one step at a time...

Slogans.
Catch-phrases.
Rally cries.

Truth.

My heart resonates with the cries of those in battle with fear: fear of what may or may not be growing within them.

Surrounded by a cloud of bright eyes - gleaming with hope, longing for a better day:
    a cure
    a lifetime because of a cure
Surrounded by a cloud of sad eyes - gleaming with tears, hoping for a better day.
    less pain
    less chemo
    more hair
    healthy momma
    healthy papa
    a future together
    less pain watching a loved one in pain                                                                                                                                              or dying and not being able to do a darn thing about it...

Surrounded by a cloud of humanity pulsating with the waves of disease and chemotherapy and pain medicines and after-surgery healing and co-survivor coping...
    and all, yes, every one, connected in some manner by love...
    and every one, yes every single one, contributing to the fear and contributing to the hope (a myriad of combinations, thereof)...
    and all affected caught up in the conflicting emotions and beliefs that this ugly disease - CANCER - may overtake - all the while HOPING and PRAYING and BELIEVING that this ugly disease- CANCER- may be understood...
    and all affected fearing and hoping that in the research comes understanding  - and through understanding comes knowledge of the CAUSE - WHAT CAUSES CANCER(any factor - all factors)
    and all affected believing, hoping that when the CAUSE(es) is/are found then EVENTUALLY the CURE will not even be needed...

    and so the cycle goes - humanity connected.
    by fear
    by love

And so we, CONNECTED HUMANITY:
                 rather than MERELY watching from afar...
                 rather than MERELY crying, unseen, in the shadows of our loved ones...
                 rather than MERELY wringing our hands in frustration - longing to HELP, to MAKE A                                     DIFFERENCE
          we pick up our FEET and we step - hopefully, brightly into the future...
          we pick up our BANNERS and hold highly the PURPOSE of our fight: moms, sisters, partners,                             aunts, fathers...
    and we pick up our PACE and move head long toward the PROMISE -

united in the MISSION:  a world without CANCER...

and we do it:

one dollar
one step
at
a
time.

That is the Breast Cancer 3-Day.

That is...

HOPE...

That

is

LOVE.