"I see your true colors-

-shining through.  I see your true colors, and that's why I love you. So don't be afraid to let them show. You're true colors -- are beautiful -- like a rainbow"...

If you ever want to know how it is - how it really is - ask a young child.

Purity. Simplicity.
True colors.

Here we have a little man helping big man work with his stick-"scu-dwy-uh".
Little man putting his "screwdriver" into the screw hole and frustrated that nothing was happening.
Little man, how did you know that something was supposed to happen when you put the screwdriver in the screw hole? You're too young to know that!!

He always knew.

"Hey buddy, what do you want to be when you grow up all big like daddy?"
"Cars"
"You want to be a car driver?"
"Ca-a-rs" (a bit more emphatically)
"You want to be a car?"
"Ca-a-a-a-a-rs!!"  (holding out the word did not really help me get it any easier!)
"You want to have cars? a lot of cars?"
(nodding affirmatively)   "Cars!!!"

For the longest I thought he meant he would have cars, many beautiful shiny cars parked in a huge-o-mongo garage.

Here he is balancing.

This child has always "balanced" far better than I could ever dream to:

play vs work
save vs spend
family vs friends
He's balanced - or at least more balanced than anyone I've ever met before.
Which is foreign to me.
And scares me, a bit.

Showing me a shiny penny  "Momma, I'm c'lecting"
"You're collecting pennies?"
"Yes"
I corrected: "saving, buddy.  Collecting pennies would be called saving pennies."
(with furrowed brow and a frown, under his breath- yet loud enough to hear) "C'lecting!!"
He was right.
Collecting is a different mind set.
Collecting is gathering things that - to him- had value and enjoying them.  Saving is more like gathering and putting away.
The child WAS collecting.

Collecting pennies.
Collecting cars - metal cars, plastic cars, wood cars, calendars of cars...

As he grew, he collected many things:
Friends
And parents of friends who loved him
And baseball hats
And movies
And video games
And everything Pokemon (used to!)
And jokes
And joke books
And athletic shirts with team sponsor names - each one he had passionately played on- soccer and basketball

And drawings of cars
Drawings that I eventually learned would be to add to his collection
of things he longed to do, to accomplish

Fast forward - uh, say 10 years - back to cars.

"Son, now that you're in Junior High, have you been thinking about what you want to do when you're out of High School?"
"Yeah, cars". 
"Uh, more specific than 'cars' - are you saying you want to have many of your favorite cars - because in order to do that you're going to have to work in a field that makes a lot of money in order to be able to afford those cars and the huge-o-mongo-garage to put them in.."  (I'm so wise, seeing the big picture like I do)
"Mom, I've been thinking about making cars"
"Ohhh, like building cars?  like manufacturing?"
"Like where dad works"
"You want to work in a car dealership? oh! and work in the service department and fix cars?"
(with a look of disgust because it was obvious I didn't get it or him...)  "Mom, I want to DESIGN and build  and manufacture cars.  I want to have a CAR COMPANY and call them whatever I want to. I want to design and make cars for people to buy and drive".

Oh.

CA-A-A-ARS... I get it. Finally. (This boy's going to make me a rich old lady)

Okay, now the full truth is - this conversation is the GIST of what actually transpired.
What actually transpired was over numerous conversations, but it all boiled down to this: this child had vision - then and now.
This child researched what FIELDS he would have to go into to become a car designer.
His true colors.

Who thinks like that?  Not me, how foreign.  and a bit scary.

"I love you, Mom".
"Sure love you too, buddy"...

5 minutes later, I hear coming from the living room while engaged in a Tiger Woods golf game:  "I love you, Mom!"
"Love you too, buddy".

Never ashamed to say it or to kiss goodbye in front of friends.
True colors.

Saying goodbye to his stinky-old-man-friend- Bear

February will be 1 year since we had to put down our old-man dog, Bear. Broke our hearts. Timmy & Bear had a love-hate relationship.  Early days, Bear didn't like little boys.  Little boy was broken hearted over a doggie who regularly rejected him & preferred "the mom" in the house.  Little boy loved old doggie anyway.Little boy, now young man, grieving the truth before him: he will be a part of a convoy driving to the vet to put this old, stinky, lovable doggie out of his pain and misery. No matter the dog used to snarl his underbite at the boy. No matter the dog used to jump in mom's lap & not his.

He loved anyway.
Eventually his gushy, amazing love broke through and that old dog loved that boy. And followed him in the house. And jumped his old, hurting feeble self onto the boy's bed where he received a  gentle head rub and oh-so-tender-touch on his oh-so-painful-back.

At the vet, Bear looked into the eyes of the 2 boys from his life - these two- brothers -who loved this old, ugly dog unconditionally -  and this old dog found comfort - you could see it in his eyes - as he drifted off to forever-sleep - looking into the eyes of this man/child the one - the younger brother - who had loved unconditionally until he was loved back...
He collects love by giving it.

(here he's gathering love in from Molly-girl)

Here he's pouring in some love to baby nephew and collecting some beautiful, wet-kiss-I-love- Uncle Timbo, in return.

15 and headed to a ceremony...(6' 1.5")

" My beautiful son.  Happy 16th Birthday!!!  Today, this morning - precisely at 8:07 -as you know- you became 16 years old. Knowing how your brother's world from 16 to 28 was merely "yesterday" - this 16th birthday of yours is "bittersweet".

SWEET:
16 years of showing your family, your friends your world just what an amazing gift we've been given by, God.  Why He entrusted you into our care is beyond me (both of you boys - brothers, are nothing short of awe-inspiring in talent & vision - truly thumbprints of God).  Maybe He knew Dad & I needed you to help grow US.  Maybe He wanted those in our lives to come to know you and help grow you by experiences - rich and full - AND maybe in His wisdom, He knew our WORLD, the world Dad & I move in - needed what you had to bring to it.  What I DO know, is I'm grateful that you are you.  You love deeply.  You hurt deeply but you forgive easily.  You work to make good decisions and choose great friends.  You love the unlovely and unlovable - you feel them.  I'm so proud of you. 

Your growth these 16 years has been spiraling - the last 2 - spiraling UP in intensity and passion and interest.  I watch you calculate numbers in your mind - how you SEE them -and I'm in awe.  And yet as scholarly as you are - I'm so very proud that you are so HUMAN and balanced.  I'm proud that you choose to follow Christ and love that you are drawing closer and resembling Him more each day.  I'm so proud that you choose the hard way, the narrow way, and love all along the way... 

BITTER:  not really bitter - just a bit "sad" because this day brings you one day closer to leaving this nest, from my momma arms, and into the world that is waiting for your adult sensibilities and offerings...

Son, may this year be another milestone toward your goals.   Because intelligence, in and of itself,  is oft sensual and intoxicating, I pray you continue to seek wise counsel and His direction for each "next step". Keep true to your heart. Keep true to yourself for, my son, your TRUE COLORS are, indeed, beautiful - so beautiful.  I love you, buddy.   Happy Birthday! Momma"

Comments

[Jennifer]

The world is one day closer to gaining an asset! A very wonderful person! Look out everyone!

[Betty]

what a beautiful tribute to a wonderful person. i don't know how you could write all that and not be in tears the whole time. what a wonderful person Tim is, and i am so glad that he is part of my life too